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Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45300) - you deserved it (12136)
On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71458) - you deserved it (9938)
On 04/04/2009 at 6:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Denmark (Roskilde)
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48190) - you deserved it (4014)
On 04/03/2009 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137056) - you deserved it (8750)
On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57098) - you deserved it (3055)
On 03/30/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22560) - you deserved it (65022)
On 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77035) - you deserved it (7546)
On 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm - work - by mrWrong (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58147) - you deserved it (24608)
On 03/22/2009 at 9:02pm - kids - by Noca (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (136870) - you deserved it (20742)
On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta
Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60666) - you deserved it (17790)
On 03/22/2009 at 12:53am - health - by TANT (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15147) - you deserved it (60643)
On 03/21/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I started Lifeguard Training and we had the fitness test you had to pass to continue. I work out everyday and I start on our football team. It's spring break and i've worked everyday (construction). I'm fit. Time comes to take the test, I finished last, beat by a 44 year old woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43373) - you deserved it (12545)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by bron92 - United States (Texas)
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23544) - you deserved it (85296)
On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9946) - you deserved it (46203)
On 03/17/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by natalieeee (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML
I agree, your life sucks (29241) - you deserved it (71954)
On 03/17/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by PinkTornado - Canada (Ontario)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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