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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 August 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7674
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About mustang95 : Just you average southern country boy. Message me if you have any questions.

mustang95's page activity

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mustang95's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.


You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…


You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of mustang95's badges

mustang95's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking to a swimmer I just met. I saw a cute guy and whispered to her "that guy is hot." She asked "Who?" I pointed at him. She turned to see him, then turned back to me and said "Ew, thats my brother." She went to him, whispered something. He turned around to see me and said "EW." FML

by uglyswimmer / 04/22/2009 at 9:58pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 11:15am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, the $300 ring my boyfriend gave me for my birthday slipped off my finger... into the toilet. I had to sift through my own poo to get it back. FML

by ohhelllllno / 04/20/2009 at 6:05am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Love

Today, I was going 73 in a 55 on a country road when an oncoming cop passed me. He pulled a U turn. I turned off the main road and took random turns. I got lost, was 30 minutes late to work, and the cop still found me and gave me two tickets. I had to ask him for directions. FML

by TheBRADLeyB / 04/16/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML

by brad3720 / 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

by mandy / 04/10/2009 at 11:35am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

by Franco / 04/10/2009 at 10:07am / United States / Work

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

by schoolgrlstaci / 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

by brhorton02 / 04/06/2009 at 10:42am / United States (New Hampshire) / Money

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

by blahbags / 04/06/2009 at 9:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 6:57am / Denmark (Roskilde) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2009 at 10:37am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

by warp_routine / 03/31/2009 at 10:17am / United States (Vermont) / Health

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2009 at 2:10am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy