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musiclover71498's FML badges
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musiclover71498's favorite FMLs
Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML
by Having a pretty sister sucks. / 08/18/2013 at 9:36pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML
by mtr1594 / 07/31/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Nevada) / Love
by CatLover<3 / 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 8:01am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health
by SayCheese / 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Badam / 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm / France (Aquitaine) / Love
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
by Anna L. / 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by fmlman / 03/15/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
by nopanties / 03/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
by sn-511 / 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm / Italy (Campania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm / United States (California) / Kids
by lonelyloser / 02/04/2013 at 2:45am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, I returned home from college. I found out that my dad ran over my cat months ago and tried… 3Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After…