About mrszane93 : I'm 19 and in college. On FML because it passes time. It's also funny and I need a good laugh every now and then.
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mrszane93's favorite FMLs
by poormom / 06/27/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML
by kjmsit / 06/16/2009 at 12:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML
by NoNaMe / 06/04/2009 at 4:07am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by honeymoondisaster / 05/23/2009 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML
by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 9:48am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Heifer / 05/16/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by prevostsrocklike / 05/11/2009 at 8:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML
by theatreismylife / 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2009 at 11:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML
by frenchy / 03/24/2009 at 1:47am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML
by Rev / 03/18/2009 at 1:05am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by thiswouldhappen. / 03/16/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by KAAALIS / 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one smallest penis I have ever seen." FML
by Noname / 03/11/2009 at 4:29pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I was at a restaurant (which is 1 hour away from home) with my family eating dinner. I went… Today, at 34 weeks pregnant I peed myself while brushing my teeth, not more than a minute earlier I… Today, I was mowing the lawn. I hadn't mowed it in awhile so I didn't realise the rock that was in…