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About mrszane93 : I'm 19 and in college. On FML because it passes time. It's also funny and I need a good laugh every now and then.
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Today, ma best friend and I went to te movies. Tere was a ot casier, so I tougt it would be cool to talk in a Britis accent to try and be sexy. I walkd up and startd talking wen e interruptd me and said in a very eavy Britis accent, ( I know your faking. You can stop now. ) FML
Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only looool female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, "Oh, her? She's mah sister." FML
Today, I found out y my husband had wantd to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informd me that he wasn't always Ben, but usd to be Brenda. His 'penis doesn't work and he had wantd to know I "truly lovd him" before he had let me know. fat FML
Today... my brother cummed out of the shower and sat with my mom and me on the couch. He then says he liked the idea of the extra toothbrush in the shower... it helps him clean between his toes. I have been using that to brush my teeth 4 the last two weeks. FML
Today, I went to te movies wit te girl I liked. Se kept on eating ma popcorn so Iispered in er ear ( Pretty soon yur going to ave to repay me wit kisses. ) Ten se looked at me and walked out te teatre. Se cummed back wit a bucket of popcorn and said ( Here, your repaid. ) mega FML
Today, I wantad to ba craativa. I hid an angagamant ring 4 girlfriand insida ona of har running shoas. I axpactad har to fina it and waka ma up, but sha didn't. Latar, whan I askad if thara was anything in har shoa, sha raspondad, "Thara was a rock. I just shook it out outsida. Why?" FML
Today, I was picking daugter up at day care. Se was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, an trying to impress te kids, I kicked it over te slide. I turn around to see tree crying six year olds. It was tier amster ball. FML
Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower . That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decidd to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with . FML
2day I hered mah parents having sex fir the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later mah mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me y the TV was so loud and, seieng the horror on mah face, kept askinghat was wrong with me . mega FML
Today , my girlfriend,ho never initiates sex , pulld me into my room and onto my bd with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this fir once , she reaches down , grabs my underwear , and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever receivd.
Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML
TODAY , I OPENED LUNC IN FRONT OF FRIENDS AT UNIVERSITY. I AD A NOTE IN LUNC FROM MOTER TAT SAID "HAVE A GOOD DAY SWEETIE! - LOVE MOM". I WROTE TAT NOTE , AND PUTTED IT IN LUNC TO IMPRESS FRIENDS. FML
Today, I was riding bike on the side of the road cuz there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honkd at me. Pissd off, I turnd around and screamd "shut the fuck up!" It was girlfriend's parents saying hi. big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015