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mrprocrastinator

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mrprocrastinator

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  • Number of visits : 199
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mrprocrastinator's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30937) - you deserved it (18135)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17167) - you deserved it (29486)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

#19164325
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10395) - you deserved it (24602)

On 02/25/2012 at 11:09pm - misc - by KMO - United States

Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML

#18772081
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27254) - you deserved it (3224)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:23am - misc - by RatFailure (woman) - United States

Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML

#18438378
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27146) - you deserved it (4063)

On 12/05/2011 at 6:32pm - kids - by santashelper - United States

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

#18163240
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38896) - you deserved it (5265)

On 11/05/2011 at 9:43am - health - by rj93 - United Kingdom (Ballymena)

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

#17698757
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29454) - you deserved it (5407)

On 09/08/2011 at 8:01pm - health - by Mack - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

#17695095
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7834) - you deserved it (60616)

On 09/08/2011 at 6:00am - health - by Stuck (man) - United States

Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML

#16755181
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39706) - you deserved it (5971)

On 06/20/2011 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

#16399874
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60132) - you deserved it (12577)

On 05/29/2011 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

#16299041
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33614) - you deserved it (2894)

On 05/22/2011 at 3:50pm - work - by NoRespect (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31631) - you deserved it (28362)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

#11056176
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37506) - you deserved it (6731)

On 06/08/2010 at 12:07pm - kids - by sarahfromthesouth - United States (Texas)

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

#7044957
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10192) - you deserved it (31312)

On 12/30/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by Jennyfromdablock (woman) - United States (California)

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

#6364461
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7340) - you deserved it (33696)

On 11/19/2009 at 1:10am - kids - by fail (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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