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mrnipples7311

Offline (the 05/22/2015 at 3:31pm) | Search for a member

mrnipples7311

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 517
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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mrnipples7311's page activity

Visits<b>sprigs_</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 11:14pm<b>lochiamochia</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 11:40pm<b>Monday_funday</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 9:32am<b>Jasim</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 2:47pm<b>sleepwalker13</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 8:54pm<b>omgpp</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 6:25am<b>depressed_child</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 12:55am<b>winchestinalock</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 9:32am<b>Crash7777</b> - the 08/14/2013 at 10:36pm

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mrnipples7311's favorite FMLs

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

#21347104
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27742) - you deserved it (2894)

On 01/31/2015 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

#21347069
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26847) - you deserved it (5130)

On 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm - intimacy - by The Soul Of A Damned Queef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38312) - you deserved it (6735)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31401) - you deserved it (4427)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

#21334865
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26446) - you deserved it (3151)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:57am - love - by kumcat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

#21327463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33274) - you deserved it (2644)

On 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

#21327404
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26698) - you deserved it (15650)

On 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm - work - by smooth - United States

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

#21316146
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31825) - you deserved it (4347)

On 12/12/2014 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

#21269125
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40257) - you deserved it (4859)

On 10/01/2014 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by notatherapist - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

#21265910
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44412) - you deserved it (7532)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37294) - you deserved it (3914)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44986) - you deserved it (8017)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58277) - you deserved it (5848)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

#20993322
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35227) - you deserved it (3054)

On 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by ANONYMOUS -_- (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML



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