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Today, my boss puttd me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signd the paperwork, I was too embarrassd to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treatd fir ( dangerously low levels of dick ). FML
Today, mah boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete . It startd with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shrt, the final straw bieng the affectd British accent . I'm considering where to dump the body . FML
Today, I Was At The Laundromathen A Huge, Tattoo-covered Man Wearing Nothing But Denim Booty Short An A Wife-beater Sat Down Beside Me. He Stared At Me 4 Ahile, Before Telling Me All About How I Reminded Him Of His ( Frst Prison Bitch. ) FML
Today, I was working at te local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumble in, grabs two cases of beer an puts tem on te counter. Ten se grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it rigt tere, sows me, an says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
yesterday after my 22 year old son realizd that there was no more contact solution.. . he decidd to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushd out . I raisd this moron . FML
TODAY , I FOUND OUT THAT THE CANDY BRACELET MAH SISTER GAVE ME A FEW DAYS AGO WAS ACTUALLY A CANDY COCK RING SHE'D USD ON HER BOYFRIEND JUST A FEW HOURS PRIOR. APPARENTLY , SHE DIDN'T LIKE THE TASTE. I HOWEVER , DID. FML
Today , I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression 4 saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' 4 new ideas each afternoon. FML
Today... ma baby-crazy moter expressed er concerns tat I aven't conceived after aole two monts of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorcedile your still ot... sleep around until you get pregnant... ten marry te winner." Wen I complained to ma fater... e supported er. FML
Friday 27 March 2015