mrcarmine

Search for a member

mrcarmine

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 53793
  • Number of comments : 241
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

mrcarmine's page activity

Visits<b>Capriciousfox</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 10:22pm<b>TheEpicKitten</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 11:14am<b>ifunnyftw</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 1:01pm<b>mct_1087</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 5:42pm<b>live_307</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 11:06am<b>brittanyx00</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 7:51am<b>itsalanis</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:37pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 12:47am<b>bethanyhopkins</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 3:07pm<b>madhattermatador</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 11:57pm<b>Ash_Used_Splash</b> - the 03/22/2013 at 7:58pm<b>ziggybanjo</b> - the 12/22/2012 at 5:01pm<b></b> - the 03/09/2011 at 10:24pm<b>kell710</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 11:26pm<b>chinesechicken</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 2:00pm<b>erichugh22</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 3:44am<b>Mingusdewiv</b> - the 05/15/2009 at 3:48pm<b>tiger01</b> - the 05/12/2009 at 11:49pm

mrcarmine's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

mrcarmine's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he dates me. He immediately responded, "Well, TV shows are boring and predictable, so you're a good source of fresh and interesting drama." FML

by dramaqueen / 04/14/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

by anonymiss / 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

by Fitz / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

by cxcrktkt / 04/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML

by missy / 04/10/2009 at 4:17am / Italy (Toscana) / Health

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

by blizzard_of_77 / 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

by StevieMe / 04/08/2009 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

by aviators / 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

by lifestinks / 04/05/2009 at 12:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, whilst working at Subway, I took an order for 6 footlongs. The entire process took 15 minutes due to the customer's hesitant and glacial pace. When it came to paying, he pulled out his wallet, looked inside, looked at me, and walked quickly out of the store. FML

by matte / 03/30/2009 at 8:16am / Australia (South Australia) / Work

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

by Blah / 03/30/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Texas) / Work