About monkeyforehead : My testicles are sour.
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monkeyforehead's favorite FMLs
Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML
by -- / 09/04/2011 at 12:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by abby181 / 09/03/2011 at 10:36am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
by MissCan'tKeepAJob / 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML
by Lonely / 07/24/2011 at 1:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML
by Rejected / 07/16/2011 at 9:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by evomadrid24 / 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by James64138 / 06/15/2011 at 6:13am / United States / Intimacy
by Rachel / 06/10/2011 at 5:57am / United States (Alabama) / Kids
by no one / 05/21/2011 at 5:07am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 10:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by verasam01 / 02/24/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 6:03pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…