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monkeyforehead

Offline (yesterday at 9:07pm) | Search for a member

monkeyforehead

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 January 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 937
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About monkeyforehead : My testicles are sour.

monkeyforehead's page activity

Visits<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 8:15pm<b>saba_ajira</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 7:12am<b>ZY1431</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 12:13am<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:25pm<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 4:00am<b>Dodopy</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 12:55am<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 12:09pm<b>RainbowxxVeinsx</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 5:58am<b>seeoseek</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 10:04am<b>Eater209</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 4:07am<b>loooloool</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 1:32pm<b>Just1Ash</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 11:19am<b>SteakfryOne</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 11:11pm<b>julako</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 6:18pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 5:53pm<b>Sjus</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 9:09pm<b>Trollx</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 4:29pm<b>pbonham</b> - the 01/17/2014 at 11:00pm

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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monkeyforehead's favorite FMLs

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49455) - you deserved it (8741)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79462) - you deserved it (7233)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

#20719275
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43336) - you deserved it (6609)

On 06/11/2013 at 10:00am - animals - by Rjlup - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65705) - you deserved it (18728)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

#20688373
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48239) - you deserved it (10297)

On 05/26/2013 at 11:14pm - love - by JJLight (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

#20683515
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56527) - you deserved it (17962)

On 05/24/2013 at 10:00am - love - by datgirl92 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49955) - you deserved it (7007)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

#20641408
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50593) - you deserved it (8683)

On 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47774) - you deserved it (12076)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79682) - you deserved it (4092)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

#20607466
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49322) - you deserved it (6443)

On 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

#20602754
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42784) - you deserved it (12504)

On 04/18/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by thanks, my fellow americans - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49892) - you deserved it (8179)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49892) - you deserved it (8179)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

#20599149
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38897) - you deserved it (7461)

On 04/17/2013 at 11:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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