About monkeyCanDoMYJob : I look nothing like my picture.
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monkeyCanDoMYJob's favorite FMLs
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
by W1D0 / 08/20/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML
by KiDCuSHi / 08/20/2011 at 12:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML
by Jace / 08/19/2011 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love
Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2011 at 3:13am / United States (New York) / Money
Today, I got woken up by a text from an unknown number at 3 am saying, "haha I found your number." I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep. After hours of trying to fall asleep, my drowsiness was disturbed by another text from the same person saying, "Sorry, wrong number." FML
by Reena / 08/19/2011 at 2:38am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Bill / 08/18/2011 at 7:44pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Stevie / 08/16/2011 at 2:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2011 at 4:21pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Love
by Username / 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by badass / 08/13/2011 at 3:25am / United States / Love
by LuckySperm / 08/12/2011 at 9:14am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Kids
by TuteSweet / 08/12/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was camping with my family, and had to share a tent with my 13 year old brother. During the night he had to pee, but instead of going outside to use the bathroom, he zipped open a section of the tent, stuck his knob through it, and peed all over my shoes that were drying outside. FML
by jakethed0g / 08/10/2011 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Holidays
- Today, in a rape trial, the President of my country admitted to having unprotected sex with a women… Today, I found out I have HPV. Last week, I found out I have herpes. I don't want to live for next… Today, after saving up for 3 months to buy a new car, it was hit in a parking lot and my tires got…