About monkeyCanDoMYJob : I look nothing like my picture.
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monkeyCanDoMYJob's favorite FMLs
Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML
by f_ck_U / 09/21/2011 at 2:47am / China (Zhejiang) / Work
Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 8:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 4:27pm / United States / Love
Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML
by MJjunior / 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
by Bigpoppa0507 / 08/31/2011 at 10:02am / Canada / Health
by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, at work, I heard a weird sound coming from the ceiling. As I looked up to see what it was, a huge splash of water hit me in the face. I called mall maintenance to let them know. They told me they already knew about the leak... from the sewage line. FML
by honeybee2487 / 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm / United States / Work
by Say Cheese / 08/22/2011 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML
by Anonymous / 08/21/2011 at 4:18pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by xXangelaXx / 08/21/2011 at 2:23pm / United States / Animals
Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML
by owmyhead / 08/20/2011 at 8:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by lala7 / 08/20/2011 at 7:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by RensM / 08/20/2011 at 5:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by AlwaysGottaFML / 08/20/2011 at 3:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…