monkeyCanDoMYJob

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monkeyCanDoMYJob

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5401
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About monkeyCanDoMYJob : I look nothing like my picture.

monkeyCanDoMYJob's page activity

Visits<b>jill97</b> - the 03/12/2016 at 10:09pm<b>Jenn_Ohio</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 1:10pm<b>JoeTheBow</b> - the 06/01/2013 at 5:27pm<b>missalice0306</b> - the 08/07/2012 at 10:39am<b>lmc94</b> - the 02/03/2012 at 12:14am<b>slim_lady</b> - the 01/17/2012 at 4:53pm<b>Riiley</b> - the 12/02/2011 at 3:08pm<b>lastsinglepanda</b> - the 11/30/2011 at 5:25pm<b>token_blackguy</b> - the 11/05/2011 at 11:30pm<b>cOnVeRsE94</b> - the 10/10/2011 at 3:40pm<b>Haganbottom234</b> - the 10/07/2011 at 7:33pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:05pm<b>WtfLoser</b> - the 08/30/2011 at 1:42pm<b>HappinessForFree</b> - the 02/11/2011 at 3:10pm<b>CherriBerri</b> - the 02/03/2011 at 8:19pm<b>Doortje</b> - the 02/03/2011 at 5:22pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 3:16am<b>DocBastard</b> - the 01/02/2011 at 1:32am

monkeyCanDoMYJob's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

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monkeyCanDoMYJob's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2011 at 2:46pm / United States / Work

Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML

by pretty_coin / 10/22/2011 at 9:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 2:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, I went to the doctor for a physical. I've been sitting in the doctor's bathroom for 10 minutes now, trying to think of how to tell him I accidentally tripped and spilled my urine sample on the carpet. FML

by socal000 / 10/20/2011 at 8:04am / United States / Health

Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML

by Awie / 10/20/2011 at 4:26am / Austria (Wien) / Love

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

by optimistic2628 / 10/19/2011 at 10:03am / United States / Kids

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

by MLGreco / 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm / United States / Kids

Today, I got a speeding ticket while taking my drivers license test. FML

by dust1535538 / 10/13/2011 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

by daddoesn'tknowbest / 10/13/2011 at 8:24am / United States / Kids

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

by John W. / 10/12/2011 at 8:37am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I found out it takes no special training to put a large glass marble up my nostril but may require someone with a medical degree to remove it. FML

by Beaky / 10/12/2011 at 1:09am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

by Andrew / 10/11/2011 at 9:11pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

by letmedienow / 10/11/2011 at 1:43pm / United States / Health