About monkeyCanDoMYJob : I look nothing like my picture.
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monkeyCanDoMYJob's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/23/2012 at 10:39pm / United States (Virginia) / Money
Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/04/2012 at 7:59pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/19/2012 at 9:42pm / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend's father suggested that, ideally, I should aim to have my baby in early July, or wait until he gets back from Europe in October. I'm due September 4th, and he will be "incredibly disappointed" if he misses the birth of his first grandchild due to my "selfishness". FML
by preggo / 02/19/2012 at 3:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML
by district12 / 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
by rapper in training / 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
by great / 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States / Work
by bluesox4 / 02/06/2012 at 12:50am / United States (Utah) / Love
by beautifulme / 01/31/2012 at 1:22am / United States / Kids
Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML
by Come on / 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by toothpaste / 01/19/2012 at 7:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by xXMudkipNoobXx / 01/12/2012 at 8:20pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my room-mates and I have been ill for the past week. Apparently a rodent climbed into our water cooker and died. I have been drinking tea and eating noodles that have been tainted by a corpse all this time. FML
by hannaaaahr / 01/11/2012 at 3:08pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Health
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of…