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monkeyCanDoMYJob

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monkeyCanDoMYJob
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3182
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About monkeyCanDoMYJob : I look nothing like my picture.

monkeyCanDoMYJob's last visitors

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monkeyCanDoMYJob's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

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monkeyCanDoMYJob's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

#19503572
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23658) - you deserved it (3323)

On 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

#19482788
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27257) - you deserved it (2370)

On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

#19438168
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21206) - you deserved it (2430)

On 04/09/2012 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

#19420355
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20682) - you deserved it (7160)

On 04/06/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Tanner - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

#19414845
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8832) - you deserved it (47939)

On 04/05/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by tatatest (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

#19413204
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5401) - you deserved it (22274)

On 04/05/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

#19406343
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7201) - you deserved it (34319)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by a call from "the Nuisance Call Prevention Registry". The lady on the telephone didn't see the irony. FML

#19405538
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17325) - you deserved it (1626)

On 04/04/2012 at 6:58am - misc - by Telemarket (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

#19405476
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27284) - you deserved it (1587)

On 04/04/2012 at 6:13am - health - by screaming monkey - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

#19350596
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22945) - you deserved it (4441)

On 03/26/2012 at 10:54am - kids - by ohhdear.___. (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

#19342755
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25302) - you deserved it (2774)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:49am - animals - by uh-oh - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML

#19340135
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13223) - you deserved it (3482)

On 03/24/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

#19336064
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15960) - you deserved it (4405)

On 03/23/2012 at 11:51pm - love - by anon - United States (Texas)



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