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moniboy

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moniboy

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moniboy's favorite FMLs

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

#21290572
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34647) - you deserved it (3873)

On 11/02/2014 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36208) - you deserved it (9910)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter admitted to me that the only reason she's nice to me is because I give her money. She's six. FML

#21290277
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30331) - you deserved it (4399)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:09am - kids - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

#21290182
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29146) - you deserved it (6429)

On 11/02/2014 at 12:51am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

#21289293
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28202) - you deserved it (3033)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:39pm - love - by grossedout -

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

#21288837
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27938) - you deserved it (2790)

On 10/31/2014 at 1:10am - health - by NoScrubs - United States (California)

Today, my mom spelled my name with all lowercase letters. When I asked her why she wrote it like that, she got pissed and snapped back, "Capitals are for people who amount to something." FML

#21288559
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31049) - you deserved it (3203)

On 10/30/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25925) - you deserved it (21237)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27621) - you deserved it (11563)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

#21285821
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35050) - you deserved it (3651)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm - love - by mellielynnemily - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37438) - you deserved it (7567)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

#21284688
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30496) - you deserved it (3673)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34945) - you deserved it (4116)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML



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