About miss_sqwert : Blah
miss_sqwert's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
miss_sqwert's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML
by ohsnap / 01/22/2011 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I rented a 4x4 to take my wife to a secret secluded beach for our anniversary. I got as close as I could to the spot and parked on the beach. After a few romantic hours we returned to find the car half way up the windows with water. I forgot it was king tide. FML
by fmljae / 01/20/2011 at 4:11am / Transportation
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML
by cartrouble / 11/24/2010 at 10:52pm / United States (North Dakota) / Transportation
Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML
by gibsonSG323 / 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
by during / 05/19/2010 at 8:12am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML
by notamathematician / 03/07/2010 at 5:27am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2010 at 1:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching the show "Sixteen and Pregnant". I started bawling when the girl's dirtbag boyfriend proposed to her with a $20 ring he bought from Walmart because I was so lonely and was jealous of her "romantic relationship". FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 10:30pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I was "letting myself go". When I told the little girl I babysit in the afternoons why I was so upset, she looked at me for a moment before saying, "Well, I definitely can't blame him." FML
by Anonymous / 12/12/2009 at 12:20am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML
by draggirl / 10/13/2009 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…