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mikky_nz

Offline (the 01/31/2015 at 6:27am) | Search for a member

mikky_nz

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  • Number of visits : 533
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mikky_nz's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML

#21346678
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29779) - you deserved it (4871)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:00am - misc - by goodbyediet (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29657) - you deserved it (13090)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

#21343098
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32950) - you deserved it (4379)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by xoragebaby - United States

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38278) - you deserved it (6730)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31388) - you deserved it (4425)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

#21342844
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26749) - you deserved it (3222)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:46am - intimacy - by LD - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26912) - you deserved it (8971)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

#21340885
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32804) - you deserved it (3412)

On 01/20/2015 at 10:08am - misc - by mybfthecrossdresser (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

#21315060
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34889) - you deserved it (2807)

On 12/10/2014 at 2:58pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

#21313388
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36984) - you deserved it (4336)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm - misc - by pubemilkshake - United States (Utah)

Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML

#21312961
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21246) - you deserved it (34032)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:10am - misc - by .__. (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

#21308801
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32919) - you deserved it (4239)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

#21305050
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39158) - you deserved it (3005)

On 11/24/2014 at 8:44am - love - by ohwell (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

#21300331
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32070) - you deserved it (3318)

On 11/16/2014 at 9:26pm - misc - by no - United States



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