About mikeymayhem_87 : In case you're wondering... I am a heavy metal zombie!! I enjoy tasty riffs!!
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
mikeymayhem_87's favorite FMLs
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
by blocked_by_fire / 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
by jonasister / 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Intimacy
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
by potassiumgirl / 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Spudzy / 04/11/2012 at 12:46pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work
Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
by Madeline Lee / 04/09/2012 at 5:34pm / France (Aquitaine) / Intimacy
Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML
by day001313 / 04/07/2012 at 12:32am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
by littleman / 04/06/2012 at 7:32am / United States / Work
by melonhead77 / 03/29/2012 at 7:46am / Cyprus / Miscellaneous
by 3hoursleftofwork / 03/28/2012 at 2:02pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Animals
Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2012 at 1:31pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Mandy / 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm / United States / Health
Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
by JC / 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
by Shantwozzlah / 03/26/2012 at 12:15pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by pmek / 03/26/2012 at 5:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
- Today, I was called by my one night stand. She informed me she was pregnant with my child, i asked… Today my dog left a present for me at the top of the stairs. I didn't turn on the lights when I was… Today, after walking home from school for 3 years in the hot, Texas sun, I saw my "friend" getting…