About mikeymayhem_87 : In case you're wondering... I am a heavy metal zombie!! I enjoy tasty riffs!!
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6672) - you deserved it (35175)
On 06/11/2012 at 8:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML
I agree, your life sucks (17930) - you deserved it (3677)
On 06/09/2012 at 1:54am - misc - by donnap (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML
I agree, your life sucks (17953) - you deserved it (1648)
On 06/08/2012 at 7:54pm - love - by SprinklerDodger (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19925) - you deserved it (1436)
On 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by huh (woman) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)
Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21246) - you deserved it (1396)
On 05/31/2012 at 8:43am - kids - by Discouraged - United States (Maryland)
Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17176) - you deserved it (1531)
On 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28128) - you deserved it (3455)
On 05/22/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was messing around in computer class, when somebody called my name from the hall. Trying to be smooth, I tried rolling my chair backwards out into the hall. The wheels wasted no time jamming and sending me crashing face-first into the floor in front of everyone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6526) - you deserved it (14811)
On 05/22/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been paying her half of the rent by taking my ATM card and getting money from my account. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19367) - you deserved it (3601)
On 05/13/2012 at 9:08am - money - by humbug - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14842) - you deserved it (5558)
On 05/05/2012 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Israel (Tel Aviv)
Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17418) - you deserved it (1587)
On 04/26/2012 at 8:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16906) - you deserved it (1817)
On 04/25/2012 at 2:22am - intimacy - by intheairtonight (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16499) - you deserved it (3368)
On 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm - health - by JurassicHole (man) - United States
Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21169) - you deserved it (2303)
On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States
Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16566) - you deserved it (1834)
On 04/20/2012 at 5:48pm - misc - by apparentlyawomanbeater (man) - Switzerland (Ticino)
Monday 17 June 2013
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