Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

mikeymayhem_87

Search for a member

mikeymayhem_87

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 12 September 1987 (27 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1341
  • Number of comments : 491
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About mikeymayhem_87 : In case you're wondering... I am a heavy metal zombie!! I enjoy tasty riffs!!

mikeymayhem_87's page activity

Visits<b>cookiecake97</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 11:47pm<b>katherhinooo</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 11:11pm<b>yareens</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 10:27pm<b>Gunslinger995</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 1:19am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:36pm<b>samarakatzzz</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 10:30am<b>swimma4life24</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 2:44am<b>rebecca320</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 11:57pm<b>Tall_British_Kid</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 1:50pm<b>sherrilb70</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 9:17am<b>becauseofcats</b> - the 11/29/2013 at 9:39am<b>luckyone365</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 12:16pm<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 2:08am<b>dvojplisen</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 4:30pm<b>paityray</b> - the 10/09/2013 at 9:23pm<b>guitar_shredder</b> - the 10/01/2013 at 10:57pm<b>IIM_SiCK</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 12:34pm<b>BTF989</b> - the 09/06/2013 at 1:45pm

mikeymayhem_87's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of mikeymayhem_87's badges

mikeymayhem_87's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14785) - you deserved it (38449)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

#20000076
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25428) - you deserved it (5490)

On 08/03/2012 at 8:14am - intimacy - by rejected4555 (woman) - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house when we noticed her cat was missing. We saw it on the roof and so I thought I would try to look good by offering to go on the roof to retrieve it. The cat had climbed down when I got up there, and I have a fear of heights. Her mom had to help me down. FML

#19980789
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10594) - you deserved it (20035)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:10am - animals - by screw the cat (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

#19957248
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6133) - you deserved it (70631)

On 07/19/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11416) - you deserved it (39235)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

#19920264
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23607) - you deserved it (1497)

On 07/10/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by Deadcat101 - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML

#19890134
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21631) - you deserved it (5042)

On 07/04/2012 at 9:48am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend pointed out that the water bill is getting kind of high. I suggested that we shower together to save water. He said he'd rather deal with the high water bill. FML

#19889068
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26841) - you deserved it (3461)

On 07/04/2012 at 1:36am - love - by LonelyShowers (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

#19877296
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18721) - you deserved it (7124)

On 07/01/2012 at 6:57pm - misc - by probablydeadbymidnight (woman) - United States

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

#19870376
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30689) - you deserved it (5085)

On 06/30/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21717) - you deserved it (2909)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

#19800401
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26584) - you deserved it (1785)

On 06/17/2012 at 4:50am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML

#19769783
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8160) - you deserved it (40361)

On 06/11/2012 at 8:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: