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michrex's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML
by Kayt / 10/03/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by jgdgjyfg / 07/25/2011 at 3:21am / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Health
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
by toni405 / 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm / United States / Love
by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek
by Cowgirl_Up37 / 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/17/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by nomorexbox / 04/26/2011 at 3:20pm / United States (Georgia) / Geek
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
by Michelle / 02/20/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said "That was my daughter." FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 3:28am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very…