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Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML
I agree, your life sucks (22965) - you deserved it (3897)
On 11/04/2012 at 4:55am - intimacy - by screwed - United States
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16464) - you deserved it (1936)
On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States
Today, I realized that I spend the same amount of money on my phone bill as I do on Nutella. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5451) - you deserved it (15096)
On 10/19/2012 at 10:19am - health - by Nutellalover (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19141) - you deserved it (4387)
On 10/19/2012 at 3:59am - kids - by best_mom_ever (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26505) - you deserved it (1822)
On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18235) - you deserved it (1367)
On 10/02/2012 at 2:48pm - misc - by peterpeterpumpkineater (man) - United States
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29515) - you deserved it (2878)
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36999) - you deserved it (3014)
On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24717) - you deserved it (2554)
On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26639) - you deserved it (6230)
On 04/29/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by ShadowJack - United States
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15172) - you deserved it (1517)
On 04/22/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14175) - you deserved it (24766)
On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada
Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28321) - you deserved it (1879)
On 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22802) - you deserved it (16278)
On 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm - kids - by azmom - United States (Arizona)
Today, I got more happy birthday wishes on my porn account than my Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9131) - you deserved it (22541)
On 03/27/2012 at 12:24pm - misc - by MattBC97 - United States (Illinois)
Monday 20 May 2013
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