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mhterp90's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
by stillhungry / 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (California) / Love
by isaidfuckoff / 06/27/2015 at 2:29pm / United States / Love
by UkuleleTime / 06/23/2015 at 4:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML
by broke bitch / 06/23/2015 at 12:15am / United States (Virginia) / Money
by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by confused / 02/26/2015 at 10:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
by sammy18f / 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by sam882 / 02/23/2015 at 1:49am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML
by MIB thingy please... / 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by No thank you / 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML
by smooth / 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm / United States / Work
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Health
by elsatheannoyed / 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Work
by LittleRed79 / 11/11/2014 at 3:03am / Canada / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/10/2014 at 9:28am / Germany (Berlin) / Love
- Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon.… Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching… Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on…
- Today, as a freelancing musician, I had to pass on the best gig I've ever been offered (worth over… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,…