memphis201

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memphis201

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5522
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 50 posted

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memphis201's page activity

Visits<b>happypenguins</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 1:37pm<b>saucybugger101</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 9:38am<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 11:17pm<b>arich6210</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 8:30pm<b>Druu</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 8:51pm<b>dmcintosh</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 6:01pm<b>TacticalBacon</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 12:18pm<b>CreepinCow</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 12:48am<b>wildhorseman</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 10:35pm<b>Annonnymister</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 11:38am<b>missmorggan</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 8:35pm<b>MadameMacabre</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 6:08am<b>cmchappy</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 6:15pm<b>Zoey_M</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 11:17am<b>Civilian</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 9:20am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 7:46pm<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 1:49am<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 11:29am

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memphis201's favorite FMLs

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

by Fingkids / 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm / United States / Kids

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

by Hello Nurse / 09/24/2012 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

by creepedasfuck / 09/23/2012 at 12:50pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 7:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

by myself / 09/20/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

by Judy / 09/19/2012 at 7:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

by annonymous / 09/19/2012 at 2:24am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

by Burntintomyretinas / 09/19/2012 at 12:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML

by he is going to hell / 09/18/2012 at 5:46pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML

by GMD / 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Health

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

by unfortunateMother / 09/18/2012 at 3:51pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids

Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML

by Mrs. Teacher / 09/17/2012 at 8:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

by not the scalpel / 09/15/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, it's been a week since I've been in hospital. No one has been to visit me. The nurses have nicknamed me "The Lonely One." FML

by lonely one / 09/14/2012 at 6:17am / United States / Miscellaneous