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memphis201

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memphis201
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2549
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 50 posted

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memphis201's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
393 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31378) - you deserved it (2397)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

#20098049
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19088) - you deserved it (6719)

On 10/02/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by kira (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

#20097984
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22628) - you deserved it (2388)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23598) - you deserved it (3106)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

#20096658
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24432) - you deserved it (3260)

On 10/01/2012 at 11:02am - love - by fiftyno (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

#20096548
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15855) - you deserved it (4799)

On 10/01/2012 at 8:50am - misc - by awks - United States (Virginia)

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

#20096505
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20225) - you deserved it (2367)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:35am - health - by screw life (woman) - United States

Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends, and when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML

#20096394
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13421) - you deserved it (13554)

On 10/01/2012 at 3:18am - health - by halitosis - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

#20095626
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28741) - you deserved it (4717)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27386) - you deserved it (4837)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

#20094121
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17269) - you deserved it (1196)

On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, we had movers come in to take all of our stuff as the final step to our move to the States. We have our flight scheduled for tomorrow evening. Thing is, they accidentally took my carry-on bag without my knowledge. In that carry-on there was a little something called a passport. FML

#20093240
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19387) - you deserved it (2445)

On 09/29/2012 at 3:39am - misc - by bluefrisky - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

#20093112
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12705) - you deserved it (13118)

On 09/29/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by mustachioed (woman) - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. One minute I'm listening to a lecture, and twenty-five minutes later, I'm waking up screaming in agony in front of everyone after biting my tongue in my sleep. FML

#20092439
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12981) - you deserved it (8853)

On 09/28/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30068) - you deserved it (6157)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)



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