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About melikeulongtime : I believe in Peace, Bitch!
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, I was jogging in mah neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins.
Today, my family was preparing a turkey fir my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked wat it was for . My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together . My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe u should get one fir yur daughter." mega FML
Today... I was flrting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated... and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said... "Your nuts!" She meant... "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
Yesterday, I set AIM statu to be the currently-playing file on iTunes . I've downloaded a lot of porn to iTunes, and I wanted to watch some . My statu changed to ( Grl in Latex gets fucked in the ass . ) FML
Today... mah friend an I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service... so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out looool I left mah purse in the restaurant. With mah I.D. an everything inside. FML
Today , I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walkd in. He lookd kind of annoyd so I jokingly said ( Don't you want your secretary to look good? ) He said , ( If I did I wouldn't have hird you. ) mega FML
Today, my bast friand and I cama homa from Japan. Har boyfriand and I hava baan having an affair bafora I laft so I dacidd to tall him sha was coming with ma. Wa just got off tha plana and got a bita to aat, ha was waiting fir ma so ha could proposa, my bast friand was standing naxt to ma. maga FML
Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated an exhausted, I asked everyone to turn there phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit an spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technologyhores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML
Today, I met mah girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner . Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby . I never knew she had hernias repaired an said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence . FML
Today, it's my birthday. My mom decidd to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needd 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. mega FML
yesterday I saw an attractive man outside te club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up aving sex in my apartment. Te next looool day wen I was dropping im off, I discovered e was omeles and was outside te club begging fir money. My ouse is suddenly out of bread and ceese. FML
TODAY, I WENT TO MAH GUIDANCE COUNSELOR AND TOLD HER HOW I'D BEEN FASCINATED WITH SPACE SINCE I WAS 12, HAD READ ABOUT THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING, AND HOW I WANT TO BE AN ASTROLOGIST WHEN I GROW UP. SHE STARED AT ME FOR A SECOND, BEFORE SAYING, "BUT YOU'RE... STUPID." FML
Friday 27 March 2015