About melikeulongtime : I believe in Peace, Bitch!
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melikeulongtime's favorite FMLs
Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML
by TheJoker / 05/12/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Oblivious / 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm / Kuwait / Love
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
by Familyskank / 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
by Fitz / 05/05/2009 at 8:22am / United States (New York) / Money
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
by blizzard_of_77 / 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML
by ohshittttttt / 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML
by ashleyevans / 04/04/2009 at 10:45am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did I wouldn't have hired you." FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 10:03am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML
by C0olgirl / 04/03/2009 at 5:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML
by emkaycutie / 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML
by douchetard / 03/26/2009 at 3:37am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML
by birthdayfun / 03/23/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML
by Melaknee / 03/18/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by thiswouldhappen. / 03/16/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML
by astroloser / 03/07/2009 at 11:10am / Philippines (Rizal) / Miscellaneous