About melikeulongtime : I believe in Peace, Bitch!
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melikeulongtime's favorite FMLs
Today, I was watching tv on the couch. My mom then kicked me off so she could lie down. Exhausted, I asked if I could sit at the end. She said no. A minute later she called the dog to come sit with her. As I was sitting on the ground, my mom told me to move because "the dog can't see the TV." FML
by holly / 05/24/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I decided to use my mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling my anger, she told me to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree, very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML
by untitledentity / 05/24/2009 at 12:03pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML
by ineedalifekay / 05/24/2009 at 2:43am / Canada (British Columbia) / Holidays
by Tootsy_Roll_Pop / 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML
by Mel / 05/23/2009 at 2:43am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by honeymoondisaster / 05/23/2009 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML
by pa / 05/21/2009 at 9:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML
by tomandjerry / 05/21/2009 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by lm / 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML
by Anonymous / 05/20/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML
by MC / 05/14/2009 at 10:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long…