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melijoonam

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melijoonam
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  • Number of visits : 644
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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melijoonam's favorite FMLs

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

#13157318
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42406) - you deserved it (9535)

On 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

#13120508
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20052) - you deserved it (2182)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

#13118537
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13397) - you deserved it (37430)

On 09/19/2010 at 8:07pm - misc - by whitefox123 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my bag, including phone, money, keys and cards, was stolen. In a church. During my wedding. FML

#13103796
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36883) - you deserved it (2312)

On 09/18/2010 at 8:36pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria (Tirol)

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

#13048948
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22747) - you deserved it (6670)

On 09/14/2010 at 2:32pm - misc - by sleepwalker - United States (Georgia)

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

#13013607
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30793) - you deserved it (4225)

On 09/12/2010 at 1:22am - love - by stood-up (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

#12953032
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48152) - you deserved it (7499)

On 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm - kids - by uselessdad - Singapore

Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML

#12916563
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29090) - you deserved it (4267)

On 09/05/2010 at 11:49am - misc - by wakinginvegas87 - United States (California)

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

#12906050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24709) - you deserved it (7662)

On 09/04/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by ow (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

#12878777
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9129) - you deserved it (66379)

On 09/03/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by ohseven6421 - United States (California)

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

#12837057
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30380) - you deserved it (7582)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

#12822018
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37613) - you deserved it (14406)

On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

#12768681
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38690) - you deserved it (4239)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)



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