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melhawkey's favorite FMLs
by HaHa Not Funny / 08/02/2011 at 12:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by beardedlady / 07/02/2011 at 2:44am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML
by girlshavepenises / 06/28/2011 at 2:39am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
by Ali (New York) / 06/23/2011 at 11:01pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, my boyfriend told me why he stood me up last night instead of coming over to visit. Apparently me telling him I couldn't wait for him to do naughty things to me turned him off, and made him feel like a piece of meat. FML
by Willow / 06/17/2011 at 7:32pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was bored. Some people would've called up friends to hang out. Not me. I had the sudden urge to make an entire Excel Spreadsheet on how much I've spent on iTunes, month-by-month. I'm not sure what's worse, that I got really into it, or that I've spent nearly $800.00 on iTunes. FML
by Mik / 06/07/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by parentof5 / 04/23/2011 at 11:20am / United States / Kids
Today, I was watching TV and started freaking out thinking I forgot to tell my boyfriend happy anniversary. I wrote him a text and after it sent, I realized the date is mine and my ex's anniversary date. FML
by Zebracat / 04/13/2011 at 2:15am / United States / Love
by Now Single / 04/03/2011 at 4:06am / Reserved / Intimacy
Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
by vlcardenx3 / 03/12/2011 at 4:11pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by fourfootnine / 03/07/2011 at 8:47am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2011 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 11:19pm / United States / Love
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML
by snoozerlooser / 12/24/2010 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 8:05am / United States (Virginia) / Love
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…