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melhawkey

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melhawkey

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 22 July 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 587
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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melhawkey's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML

#18904031
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11176) - you deserved it (31407)

On 01/25/2012 at 12:00am - intimacy - by talkingtoaretard (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

#18662778
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15276) - you deserved it (27710)

On 12/31/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by atleese - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

#18622052
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6986) - you deserved it (48367)

On 12/27/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Yo mom - United States (California)

Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML

#18490582
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8982) - you deserved it (40985)

On 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by stinky (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML

#18458873
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29853) - you deserved it (3722)

On 12/08/2011 at 5:37am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

#18447491
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27842) - you deserved it (3525)

On 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by jackgrant (man) - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

#18128656
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47966) - you deserved it (5466)

On 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

#17801951
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9144) - you deserved it (48959)

On 09/22/2011 at 1:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50869) - you deserved it (6089)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

#17666764
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29076) - you deserved it (14025)

On 09/05/2011 at 12:38am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

#17610443
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37006) - you deserved it (3373)

On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

#17534409
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28716) - you deserved it (37724)

On 08/21/2011 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Emily - United States (New York)

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24548) - you deserved it (11221)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

#17400006
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26686) - you deserved it (6058)

On 08/07/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Wife - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

#17391065
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35115) - you deserved it (10015)

On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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