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melhawkey's favorite FMLs
by Sir Vom-a-lot / 06/14/2012 at 12:28pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 11:49am / United States / Intimacy
by bad date / 06/13/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Nebraska) / Money
Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML
by Az / 06/12/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Sarah / 06/12/2012 at 12:59pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML
by stupidity / 05/25/2012 at 3:30pm / Switzerland (Geneve) / Miscellaneous
by XxEmoWolfiexX / 05/24/2012 at 5:18pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML
by Class / 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/17/2012 at 3:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by phoneless / 04/17/2012 at 3:23pm / Jordan / Miscellaneous
by a / 03/29/2012 at 11:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
by user210 / 03/25/2012 at 11:05pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I passed a field where some kids were playing football. The ball rolled over in my direction, so they asked me to kick it over. I tried and failed three times, and ended up throwing it over, where it embarrassingly landed about 2 feet away. They had to come over and get it. FML
by Hannah / 03/22/2012 at 1:21pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
by anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 1:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…