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melhawkey's favorite FMLs
Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML
by NoMagicMike / 06/27/2012 at 12:53pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by Heather / 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by waaah / 06/25/2012 at 3:00am / Australia / Love
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
by anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 10:09am / United Kingdom / Animals
by Shelby / 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. As I did, a car that was passing by stopped, made a U-turn, and then came back so the people inside could laugh at me. When they were done taunting me, they made another U-turn and continued back in their original direction. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 10:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
by crazybitch / 06/18/2012 at 12:57am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I was at work when a co-worker decided it would be funny to email me from my boss's computer to tell me I had been laid off. It wasn't funny when I was fired for real after "skipping work without giving notice." FML
by Adam Jensen / 06/18/2012 at 12:39am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by turnedoff / 06/17/2012 at 9:00pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2012 at 3:03pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by anonymous / 06/16/2012 at 9:57am / United States / Love
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by latino14 / 06/15/2012 at 7:27am / United States (Maryland) / Health
- Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he's unhappy with his life. He's basically with me because I… Today, at 16, I had my first swimming lesson. I have to do it for physiotherapy and really didn't…