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melhawkey's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 7:37am / United States (California) / Kids
by Janitoro / 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm / United States / Intimacy
by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE / 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 4:08pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Cslouth / 10/27/2012 at 12:04am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Nana / 10/22/2012 at 11:39am / Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Unfortunate / 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML
by firebombtimEFUCKERS / 09/29/2012 at 12:32pm / United States / Health
by iNearlyHurled / 09/28/2012 at 4:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML
by GN / 09/17/2012 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by mrs14 / 09/10/2012 at 10:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML
by Emma / 09/04/2012 at 5:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…