About melbournearsenal : Law student ~ 19 years old ~ Melbourne, Australia
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melbournearsenal's favorite FMLs
Today, at my job drug testing high schoolers, I see that one of the kids selected for the testing looked incredibly high. So, after he goes in the bathroom and gives me his cup with his urine inside, I take a closer look and see that the little shit jizzed in the cup. I hate my job. FML
by zachhewett / 02/02/2016 at 5:53pm / United States (Alabama) / Work
Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 11:35am / United States (Kansas) / Kids
by MystoganFT / 12/16/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 4:11pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by anonymous / 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML
by pocketrocket90 / 08/08/2014 at 2:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/10/2014 at 1:24am / United States (California) / Work
Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2014 at 12:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 12:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm / Switzerland (Bern) / Work
by o_O / 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML
by No money, mo' problems / 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm / United States / Money
- Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed… Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's… Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read…