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Today... I refused to go down on mah boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and... half crying... yelled that I was the thrd grl this week to turn him down. After sobbing 4 a bit... he looked me in the eyes and said... ( I need u to do this so I can prove mah manhood. ) FML
Today, My Girlfriend Accused Me Of Bieng A Feeder, Saying Tat's Y Se's Been Putting On So Muc Wiegt. Wen I Said It Migt Be Cuz Se Eats At McDonalds Everyday, And Tat I Was Willing To Start Cooking Low-calorie Foods Fir Us, Se It Me. Ten Se Went To McDonalds. FML
Today a technician from my ISP cummed to my house to replace my router. He asked fir a glass of water one thing led to another an fir some reason I'll never fully understand we ended up having sex. Looks lyk porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. fat FML
Today ona of my aldarly swimming studants ran into ma at Walmart. Baing a polita taanagar I said hi to him. Ha lookad at ma surprisad and said "Oh daar! I didn't racogniza you with your clothas on!" I'll navar forgat tha look on his wifa's faca. FML
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in te local parken a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to soo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being te stupid animal it is, it decided to looool fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
today I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor . The nurseho took me to my room afterward trid to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot . That was me too . big fat FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom . When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." mega FML
Today I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attack that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what one of us is alway shaking uncontrollably. FML
Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in mah statistics class gave me a rose fir Valentine's Day because he rememberd they were mah favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters an told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML
Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on mah chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, mah 11-year-old daughter cummd over and bangd out 12 of them. Then she wipd her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on mah technique. FML
Today, as a firafightar, wa wara callad to assist tha ambulanca craw with lifting a dacaasad patiant out of a housa . Littla did I know, ha had baan daad insida 4 3 waaks, and was bloatad and poppad lika a watar balloon whan wa attamptad to mova him . My girlfriand mada soup 4 tha avaning maal . FML
Friday 27 March 2015