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mazizen
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  • Number of visits : 101
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mazizen's favorite FMLs

Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML

#20475894
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14853) - you deserved it (26837)

On 01/24/2013 at 12:16am - misc - by steven - United States (California)

Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

#20472081
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38788) - you deserved it (3950)

On 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by sarah6786 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML

#20471580
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11916) - you deserved it (34360)

On 01/21/2013 at 4:39pm - love - by lesson.learned (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42447) - you deserved it (3655)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42447) - you deserved it (3655)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

#20470654
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18339) - you deserved it (37700)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38950) - you deserved it (6911)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38318) - you deserved it (4050)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26236) - you deserved it (7320)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42774) - you deserved it (5705)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27869) - you deserved it (2355)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28697) - you deserved it (8469)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24602) - you deserved it (7051)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34396) - you deserved it (5046)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

#18660229
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24119) - you deserved it (6011)

On 12/31/2011 at 1:48am - misc - by thechimpchapter - United States (Oklahoma)



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