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maxxacre

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maxxacre

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 December 1987 (26 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 949
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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maxxacre's page activity

Visits<b>poppyseed420</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 12:28am

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maxxacre's favorite FMLs

Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML

#18974719
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29666) - you deserved it (4840)

On 02/02/2012 at 4:31am - intimacy - by DieTrying - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

#18703291
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31680) - you deserved it (27383)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

#18698902
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32748) - you deserved it (5640)

On 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML

#18643236
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28374) - you deserved it (5008)

On 12/29/2011 at 10:48am - health - by OH COME ON (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

#18234448
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40472) - you deserved it (7068)

On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

#18217794
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24757) - you deserved it (7404)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:37am - animals - by Pk45 (man) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

#17985302
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30475) - you deserved it (5182) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by adieuvelib - France

Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML

#17973250
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33002) - you deserved it (9129)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:19am - intimacy - by scewable (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

#17966458
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11731) - you deserved it (41602)

On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

#17854622
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31104) - you deserved it (5632)

On 09/28/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

#17830762
560 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28368) - you deserved it (17097)

On 09/25/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54870) - you deserved it (5409)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

#17749622
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31600) - you deserved it (5681)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:34am - health - by Scott - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

#17744252
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36993) - you deserved it (3927)

On 09/14/2011 at 2:11pm - intimacy - by wf - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

#17718767
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39236) - you deserved it (7094)

On 09/11/2011 at 11:13am - misc - by CaseyFpC85 - United States (Florida)



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