About mattorama : Rock and shock, baby.
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mattorama's favorite FMLs
by audreyav / 06/30/2012 at 4:10am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
by mpsteve137 / 06/30/2012 at 2:21am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2012 at 9:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
by fuckjuggalos / 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML
by Nick / 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
by bob / 06/29/2012 at 4:47am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Christina / 06/29/2012 at 1:31am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, a homeless man asked me for money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on my head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML
by Anonymous / 06/28/2012 at 5:20pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by MeanMother / 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
by TheAngryBird / 06/28/2012 at 12:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
by apparantlyStupid / 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I had an IUD put in two years ago that's supposed to prevent pregnancy. To put it in perspective, less than 1% of people using this IUD get pregnant. Lucky me. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2012 at 4:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Health
by RatCityChick / 06/27/2012 at 1:18pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Wubba87 / 06/27/2012 at 6:32am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started… Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid… Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt,…