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Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5831) - you totally deserved it (2328)
On 10/22/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ItsFunnyNow (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24469) - you totally deserved it (3863)
On 10/21/2009 at 4:27am - misc - by sore (man) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10286) - you totally deserved it (19128)
On 10/20/2009 at 1:26am - love - by gamergirlfriend (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new yankee stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!". It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4700) - you totally deserved it (56885)
On 05/10/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by XxespoxX (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47654) - you totally deserved it (4732)
On 04/26/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Mikey (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29919) - you totally deserved it (21923)
On 04/19/2009 at 5:44pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41687) - you totally deserved it (8041)
On 03/10/2009 at 11:16pm - misc - by birthdaygirl (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I got a ticket. From my dad the cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26022) - you totally deserved it (7878)
On 02/09/2009 at 10:59pm - misc - by annoyed (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (486437) - you totally deserved it (30928)
On 02/09/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (341934) - you totally deserved it (50531)
On 02/05/2009 at 7:06am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)
Today, I need to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone has left work, I decide that, since I AM a jedi, my penis ought to be my Light saber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: “At least someone is having fun!” It was my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3435) - you totally deserved it (10982)
On 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm - work - by lopez - France (Ile-de-France)
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