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marshmalllows

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marshmalllows

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marshmalllows's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

#21245090
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29885) - you deserved it (10526)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm - kids - by JackieD (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

#21244207
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35163) - you deserved it (5343)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

#21243572
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41276) - you deserved it (3980)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by confidence taken - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

#21243040
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37797) - you deserved it (2692)

On 08/22/2014 at 9:14am - work - by Beeky (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

#21243022
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38096) - you deserved it (4547)

On 08/22/2014 at 8:05am - work - by haileelouxxx (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

#21242399
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37174) - you deserved it (14183)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

#21241880
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40180) - you deserved it (6771)

On 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

#21241441
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38706) - you deserved it (5261)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23547) - you deserved it (43221)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40671) - you deserved it (14986)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44932) - you deserved it (7398)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47129) - you deserved it (4501)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

#21237829
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37612) - you deserved it (3142)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

#21237548
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37287) - you deserved it (5969)

On 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm - kids - by cahsecuel (woman) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)



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