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marshmalllows

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marshmalllows

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marshmalllows's favorite FMLs

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

#21248318
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30304) - you deserved it (2389)

On 08/30/2014 at 4:35am - misc - by poorbastard (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

#21248169
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26948) - you deserved it (6435)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

#21247953
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30996) - you deserved it (4140)

On 08/29/2014 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by SCARRED (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

#21247920
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29990) - you deserved it (1854)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by abbshows (man) - United States

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30724) - you deserved it (28857)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

#21245090
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34323) - you deserved it (12751)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm - kids - by JackieD (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

#21244207
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37397) - you deserved it (5710)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

#21243572
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43600) - you deserved it (4201)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by confidence taken - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

#21243040
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39069) - you deserved it (2715)

On 08/22/2014 at 9:14am - work - by Beeky (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

#21243022
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39397) - you deserved it (4615)

On 08/22/2014 at 8:05am - work - by haileelouxxx (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

#21242399
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38264) - you deserved it (14588)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

#21241880
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41201) - you deserved it (6817)

On 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

#21241441
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39878) - you deserved it (5307)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24035) - you deserved it (43982)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41610) - you deserved it (15472)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)



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