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marshmalllows

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marshmalllows

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  • Number of visits : 750
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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marshmalllows's favorite FMLs

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

#21216427
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43040) - you deserved it (4088)

On 07/21/2014 at 3:31pm - love - by badluck - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26617) - you deserved it (35111)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

#21213512
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40795) - you deserved it (5716)

On 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm - kids - by kids say the darnedest things - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

#21212155
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44496) - you deserved it (5627)

On 07/17/2014 at 7:32pm - animals - by kittynapper - United States (Colorado)

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48286) - you deserved it (4114)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML

#21209860
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43652) - you deserved it (3629)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:11pm - health - by smh (woman) - United States

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42252) - you deserved it (5065)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

#21208907
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38112) - you deserved it (4922)

On 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

#21208337
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33629) - you deserved it (8258)

On 07/13/2014 at 10:10pm - animals - by dogggg (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

#21208109
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44456) - you deserved it (3718)

On 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by all puked out (man) - Netherlands

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50254) - you deserved it (6428)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48471) - you deserved it (6507)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my football game, I turned around to spit so that it would be away from my teammates. I ended up spitting on a 10-year-old kid walking behind me. FML

#21203602
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37014) - you deserved it (17421)

On 07/09/2014 at 1:38am - kids - by whoops - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

#21202986
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39233) - you deserved it (11886)

On 07/08/2014 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)



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