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markusmay16

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markusmay16
  • Town/Country : Mobile, US
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 March 1994 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 248
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About markusmay16 : dis guy

markusmay16's last visitors

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markusmay16's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of markusmay16's badges

markusmay16's favorite FMLs

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16531) - you deserved it (53576)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50187) - you deserved it (13065)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

#20508952
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13615) - you deserved it (39188)

On 02/16/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by uhoh (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38941) - you deserved it (11676)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

#20493182
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64165) - you deserved it (3543)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hamandegger (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

#20466497
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29540) - you deserved it (5168)

On 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42763) - you deserved it (5704)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML

#19573864
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17431) - you deserved it (4518)

On 05/04/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by Garry (man) - United States

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

#19563224
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5593) - you deserved it (80657)

On 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by f*ck (man) - United States

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

#19423040
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10966) - you deserved it (35532)

On 04/07/2012 at 11:27am - intimacy - by anonomous - United States

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML

#19187545
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8646) - you deserved it (30544)

On 02/29/2012 at 5:36am - intimacy - by areyouserious - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

#18370889
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36051) - you deserved it (9016)

On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

Today, I walked downstairs, made a bowl of hot cereal, and held a full conversation with my brother's girlfriend, before I finally put two and two together and realized I hadn't put any pants on. FML

#16541203
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10550) - you deserved it (24461)

On 06/07/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by mongoosemike -



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