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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34712) - you deserved it (6298)
On 05/09/2013 at 2:49am - misc - by fml0505 (man) - United States
Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49183) - you deserved it (9295)
On 05/05/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by dancer, not a hooker... - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
I agree, your life sucks (43995) - you deserved it (6067)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)
Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19706) - you deserved it (36723)
On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, my guidance counselor told me that I'll have to join my school's special education needs sector. This is because I can't attend school properly due to chronic issues with severe pain. So much for my 3.9 GPA and being in the top 5% of my class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40948) - you deserved it (2362)
On 04/30/2013 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32892) - you deserved it (4555)
On 04/25/2013 at 3:55am - work - by justgivemethed - United States (California)
Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20120) - you deserved it (38113)
On 04/21/2013 at 2:20am - misc - by Human fly - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36760) - you deserved it (3492)
On 04/03/2013 at 5:17am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34341) - you deserved it (3685)
On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33546) - you deserved it (2680)
On 03/19/2013 at 4:12pm - misc - by :( - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (2451)
On 03/18/2013 at 2:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I spent an entire raffle game desperately praying that I'd lose miserably, just so I wouldn't have to go up on stage and accept it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21670) - you deserved it (3761)
On 03/16/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by Minou (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11071) - you deserved it (32905)
On 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm - misc - by human lava lamp (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10512) - you deserved it (22839)
On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States
Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30889) - you deserved it (1462)
On 03/07/2013 at 1:12pm - work - by arknvl (man) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Monday 20 May 2013
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