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Today, I took mah girlfriend home to meet mah parents . They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest . She soon left in disgust . I haven't heard back from her since . FML
Today, I found out someone as a crus on me. Normally I'd be fine wit tis, if it weren't fir tat fact tat tis guy informed me tat e as collected pictures of me since te tird grade. I'm turning 23 in two weeks.
Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, cuz he refusd to believe he needd to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game fir his grandson . He endd up calling manager and trying to get me fird fir scamming him . fat FML
Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me 4 not getting any work done. real FML
Today, it's mah last day before I get mah colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilariou to drag me out to one of the best restaurant in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their deliciou meals. FML
TODAY, AT THE YACHT CLUB I WORK AT A GRL ORDERED A PORTABELLA WRAP. SHE ASKED 4 NO CHEESE OR VEGGIES, JUST THE PORTABELLAS. AFTER SHE GOT THE SANDWICH AND ATE HALF OF IT, SHE SENT IT BACK SAYING SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT HAD MUSHROOMS IN IT. FAT FML
Today, I woka up at 6am and want into tha kitchan, whara I saw a mousa in front of tha fridga. Patrifiad, I stood in tha doorway shooing it fir a faw minutas. My husband than walkad into tha kitchan, pickad up tha "mousa", and thraw it in tha bin. It was a usad taa bag. FML
Today , mah grlfriend wantd to try something new in the bedroom , so she got an assortment of different sizd cock rings . She laughd when the one we were trying to use kept falling off , and said to try a smaller one . It was the smallest in the set . real FML
Today , after my parents left 4 the weekend , my "friends" decidd to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave , I calld the police. I was the only one arrestd , while they got warnings. FML
Friday 27 March 2015