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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27725) - you deserved it (10478)
On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33506) - you deserved it (6171)
On 10/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by meg265 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35208) - you deserved it (3409)
On 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm - kids - by hamster cookie - Sent from mobile version
Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36662) - you deserved it (7758)
On 10/12/2009 at 4:23am - misc - by worst (man) - Philippines (Quezon City)
Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46091) - you deserved it (2128)
On 10/06/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by zitroskies (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26858) - you deserved it (10699)
On 10/03/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by diva467 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I told my daughter how her eyes look exactly as pretty as my wife's. She told me that she loved the way my eyeballs stick out of my face, just like Elmo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30531) - you deserved it (3673)
On 10/03/2009 at 8:33am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6593) - you deserved it (26903)
On 10/01/2009 at 3:56am - misc - by slcbabii23 (woman) - United States (Missouri) - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34943) - you deserved it (2439)
On 10/01/2009 at 2:59am - love - by Icy (woman) - United States (Washington) - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6692) - you deserved it (33971)
On 09/27/2009 at 11:59am - misc - by absentmindedmoron (man) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)
Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25886) - you deserved it (5262)
On 09/25/2009 at 4:43am - health - by SterlingEnigma (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30426) - you deserved it (2507)
On 09/20/2009 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anathema_360 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54446) - you deserved it (3021)
On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39747) - you deserved it (2958)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53019) - you deserved it (2692)
On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Friday 24 May 2013
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