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m311's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
m311's favorite FMLs
by leve80paladin / 10/25/2010 at 11:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML
by peestain / 10/25/2010 at 6:06am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 5:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML
by ellinor / 09/17/2010 at 4:33pm / Sweden (Jonkopings Lan) / Miscellaneous
by hjufidskndf / 08/30/2010 at 1:35am / United States / Love
Today, a customer came into the music shop I work in to look at guitars. After calling the customer "Dude," and "Man," numerous times, they stalked off suddenly. When I asked if everything was okay, they responded with, "I'm female, you asshole!" FML
by Z88 / 04/21/2010 at 4:29pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Work
Today, after years of thinking I was weird for never being attracted to anyone, I realized that for the first time in my life I actually have a crush on someone. That 'someone' is my English teacher. He is 60. I am 18. FML
by allwrong / 03/16/2010 at 6:27am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML
by AnnaNick / 02/13/2010 at 9:19pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by Twilightsux / 01/30/2010 at 10:20pm / United States / Love
Today, I talked to my ex on AIM after not speaking to her since we broke up two years ago. The conversation lead up to her asking how I feel about her. So I poured my heart and soul out to her, because I still love her. She immediately logged off. FML
by Hugh_Jankles / 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML
by embarrassed / 12/20/2009 at 7:26pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Love
Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML
by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 2:28pm / United States / Love
by graospe / 12/11/2009 at 8:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
by fatguyinalittlecoat / 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…