m311

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m311

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2654
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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m311's page activity

Visits<b>lucylifts</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 2:05pm<b>Skydiver2001</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 2:33pm<b>nishimehta</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 4:59am<b>Kitten_love</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 2:59pm<b>MrsWinchester</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 9:54am<b>One_Way</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 11:27pm<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 12:20am<b>agustibaarn</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 6:06pm<b>sanghera43</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 7:22pm<b>BlazeArmy</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 12:40am<b>flametrafox</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 9:15am<b>SilverWings312</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 10:11pm<b>GreenBeast</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 1:17pm<b>Hello9875</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 3:51pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 1:39pm<b>julako</b> - the 11/24/2013 at 5:54pm<b>ScareCrowed</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 3:49pm<b>Mr_Bleepdabloop</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 8:52pm

Fucked!<b>nishimehta</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 11:00am<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 6:20am

m311's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of m311's badges

m311's favorite FMLs

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 3:12am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, while cleaning the bathroom in a suite at the hotel I work at, I heard a couple come in, and then a marriage proposal. She said no, that she had been seeing someone else and left the room. I was then alone in the bathroom, listening to a grown man sob. FML

by smurfpoo / 08/09/2011 at 3:35am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

by jshi8 / 08/04/2011 at 10:35am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

by cadillacfrank / 07/24/2011 at 5:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2011 at 4:40am / Austria / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

by devilboy / 07/06/2011 at 7:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2011 at 12:18am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking across campus, I stopped to look at my reflection in a window. I straightened my bra straps and then turned to the side to dig a wedgie out. It wasn't until I heard peals of laughter that I realized I couldn't see IN the classroom, but they could see OUT. FML

by RBHSWedgieGirl / 01/22/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said "That was my daughter." FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 3:28am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

by sad / 01/08/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I think my friends were trying to tell me something with all my Christmas gifts being mostly perfume, deodorant, and soap. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 1:04am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

by lerouxmaster / 12/22/2010 at 6:43am / Kids

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 2:54am / United States / Health

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Florida) / Work