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lvlcapblue

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lvlcapblue
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 783
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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lvlcapblue's favorite FMLs

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28867) - you deserved it (1795)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML

#18502808
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46109) - you deserved it (5034)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by testesential - United States (Kentucky)

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

#18451653
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11914) - you deserved it (39013)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States

Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML

#18449998
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19963) - you deserved it (8881)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by socks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

#18447759
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21237) - you deserved it (2855)

On 12/06/2011 at 8:38pm - love - by sparklethelette - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

#18444648
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24489) - you deserved it (4413)

On 12/06/2011 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

#18425856
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26081) - you deserved it (9585)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

#18424133
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33143) - you deserved it (4631)

On 12/04/2011 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

#18406735
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37671) - you deserved it (2853)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by unknown52 - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

#18396492
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26074) - you deserved it (2886)

On 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML

#18390822
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33493) - you deserved it (5165)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:39am - work - by immy504 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

#18374141
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26969) - you deserved it (8367)

On 11/28/2011 at 7:34am - misc - by Dani - Reserved

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27099) - you deserved it (14182)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

#18346597
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35596) - you deserved it (8083)

On 11/25/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by notgoodenough - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML

#18316654
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39608) - you deserved it (7402)

On 11/22/2011 at 1:06pm - health - by Bob - United States (Texas)



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