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lostmongoose

Offline (the 07/19/2014 at 4:39am) | Search for a member

lostmongoose

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1024
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About lostmongoose : I'm a lurker, and have been lurking around FML for over a year maybe 2. I skulk about the FMLs and comments favoriting and thumbing. Rarely leaving a trace of my ever being there. And in real life I'm an art major, so yeah, there's that.

lostmongoose's page activity

Visits<b>k_gils</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 3:52pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:01pm<b>Jazzyw1997</b> - the 12/17/2013 at 11:36am<b>Not_Creative</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 8:38pm<b>onlyme25</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 1:30am<b>RedX1000FML</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 12:38am<b>jjames267</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 11:37pm<b>paige146622</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 10:52pm<b>crazytrainer</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 5:40pm<b>graceinsheepwear</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 5:21pm<b>Lauren2490</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 11:37am<b>Wiz_Of_Oz</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 8:30am<b>MikeonFML</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 8:11am<b>babybunnypinkeye</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 4:43am<b>Trollx</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 1:58pm<b>PresAgent</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 4:53pm<b>neeni88</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 4:15pm<b>prettychic2001</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 3:05pm

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lostmongoose's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

#20623794
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40965) - you deserved it (8066)

On 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by sanoria51 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

#20620574
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52755) - you deserved it (14144)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79346) - you deserved it (4080)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, I walked in on my brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32639) - you deserved it (111386)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45754) - you deserved it (2841)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68457) - you deserved it (17842)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68457) - you deserved it (17842)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house. After asking him what was wrong due to his weird attitude, he responded with, "This isn't working; I'm in love with my sister." FML

#20592364
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64793) - you deserved it (3933)

On 04/14/2013 at 11:45pm - love - by lonely (woman) - United States

Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML

#20590768
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69103) - you deserved it (3359)

On 04/14/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by bntje (woman) - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

#20585943
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61726) - you deserved it (5415)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by too young for this (woman) - United States

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

#20583902
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47180) - you deserved it (5428)

On 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm - love - by drama king? (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

#20565460
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44288) - you deserved it (15070)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

#20565460
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44288) - you deserved it (15070)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

#20562346
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67842) - you deserved it (10157)

On 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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